


I'm Sorry

by StrayDevil15



Series: Broken but Not Alone [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angel Wings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Lucifer, Hurt/Comfort, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Whump, Post-Episode: s03e24 A Devil of My Word, Post-Season/Series 03, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Whump, Wings, dan is a dick, ella is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-09 15:44:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17409686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrayDevil15/pseuds/StrayDevil15
Summary: In the aftermath of 3x24, Lucifer is having a really hard time. Ella comes to the rescue.WARNING: (pretty graphic I think) depictions of self-harm





	1. Chapter 1

Lucifer felt - not to put too fine a point on it - like absolute shit. His wings were killing him even after taking out as many bullets and broken shafts as he could reach, his heart hurt every time his thoughts drifted to the Detective's horrified expression upon seeing his devil face, and to top it all off he was horrendously hungover like he hadn't been in centuries. 

Actually, the real icing on the crap-cake was that his bloody phone was ringing for the 9th time in under an hour. He groaned and rolled over as best he could with his mangled wings still out, fully intending to hit the decline button that would put a stop to the noise that was making his head throb like a second heartbeat. LAPD,  _again_. Bloody Hell, would it really be that bad if they had to wait a while for his statement? Fuck it, he was awake now anyway; may as well give them a piece of his mind. 

"Have you wankers never heard of phone etiquette?" He snapped, rummaging around in his bedside cabinet for the opiates he hadn't bothered with on last night's bender. Any tiny amount of pain relief right now would be fantastic. The officer stammered out something along the lines of an apology and Lucifer took the opportunity to unleash his fraying temper on the poor man. "Have you considered, that just maybe, theres a bloody reason I'm not answering my phone?! Much as i loved old Pierce, he's certainly not getting any less dead this time! Just focus on the organised crime side of things, and I'll get back to you when I'm feeling a little less like I've just been run over by a fucking semi!" He snarled, his finger millimetres from the hang up button when the stern voice of the temporary Lieutenant boomed in his sensitive ears. 

"DAMMIT MORNINGSTAR, I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT YOUR HANGOVER. GET YOUR ENTITLED ASS OVER HERE BY 2PM OR YOU'LL BE ORGANISING OLD CASE FILES FOR THE NEXT MONTH. UNDERSTOOD?!" Lucifer winced, holding the phone at arm's length until the Lieutenant had stopped yelling and eyeing the device with weary resentment. Even he knew when to accept defeat. 

"Understood, ma'am." He sighed, waiting for her to end the call before hanging up. Lucifer let his head fall back against the pillows, entertaining the blissful idea of simply sleeping for a decade or two before heaving himself out of bed and padding into the bathroom. His shower was just about big enough to fit his wings as long as he kept them folded, which he was incredibly grateful for because at the moment even that was a struggle. The drugs had dulled the excruciating pain in his wings to nothing more than a background ache, but moving them still met a lot of resistance. He allowed himself fifteen minutes of standing under the deliciously warm water, letting it soothe the various strains and aches in his much-abused body before starting his actual shower routine and cleaning the last of the blood off his wings. Getting dressed was fairly easy, due to the fact that his wings possessed the useful property of passing through any man-made object, in this case his shirt. He still didn't want any more pressure on his back than was absolutely necessary, hence leaving off the customary waistcoat. Seeing as he couldn't tuck away his wings, he called in a favour with a tailor and had a ridiculously long, heavy coat delivered to his penthouse in under an hour. As long as he could keep his wings folded flat against his back, the coat covered them and he only had a weird hunchback to show for it. Good enough.

Lucifer kept his head down as he walked into the precinct at 1:30, informing the desk sergeant he was here to give his statement on the Pierce/Sinnerman case and was waved over to the interrogation rooms. Miss Lopez came over to him as he was waiting, eagerly chatting about something but interrupting herself to give him a once-over. 

"Dude, what's with the coat?" Lucifer barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes, his hands unconsciously curling into fists with his nails digging into his palms. 

"I'm cold, obviously." It was true; ever since he'd bolted from that loft, he'd felt an inexplicable chill, like his internal fire had had a bunch of dirt thrown on it. It was still burning, because his Lightbringer abilities still worked (he'd checked), but only just. 

Ella held her hands up in surrender, not used to her easy-going if high-maintenance friend being so snappish. "Dumb question, I'm sorry. You want me to tell everyone else not to say anything?" She asked, and it took Lucifer nearly 15 seconds to realise she wasn't being sarcastic, she genuinely cared. "I heard the Lieutenant yelling at you on the phone - everyone did, really. I know you're probably having a really crap day, so..." she trailed off, giving him a sympathetic look that he both appreciated and wanted to slap off her face. He didn't need anyone's bloody pity. He laughed humourlessly, letting his head fall back against the wall he'd been leaning against and drawing his coat a little tighter around himself. 

"You have no idea. I'm hungover, in constant pain I can't do anything about, all i seem to be able to do is hurt and infuriate people, everything feels wrong and bad and I just want to go to sleep and not wake up, preferably for a few millenia," he admitted, not meeting her eyes. 

"O-OK, that all sounds horrible and I'm really sorry you have to deal with that and we can totally talk about that later, but Lucifer, that last part is suicidal ideation. You should really go see your therapist, buddy," she said, touching his arm to try to convey how concerned she was for his wellbeing and her love for her friend. Lucifer scoffed, fidgeting but not pulling away. 

"I'm not suicidal. I've tried that before, and frankly I much prefer suffering on Earth to being stuck in Hell," he grumbled. Ella's eyebrows climbed to her hairline, eyes widening in shock as she made the wise decision to file that information away and think about it later. Meanwhile, Lucifer was continuing like that wasn't a huge and worrying revelation. "Maybe if i still had Azrael's Blade or something similar that would actually destroy me I'd consider killing myself, but I don't so I'll just go back to my original plan."

Ella gathered her wits just enough to ask, "what's that plan?"

"Ignore it until it goes away," he answered flippantly, his usual smirk back in place. OK then. 

"Uhm, Mr. Morningstar? We're ready to interview you now," a young officer whose voice he recognised from the phone call informed him from the doorway. Ella chose not to say anything about the blindingly white feathers she could see peeking out from under his coat as he was ushered into the interrogation room where a senior detective he vaguely recognised was waiting.

"Please, sit," the detective - Jackson, Lucifer remembered - said, gesturing to the other chair in the room which was bolted to the floor. 

"Pass," Lucifer said, eyeing the chair with distaste. Besides, if he sat or bent down his wings would have to shift for either balance or to not be crushed under him, and really the last thing anyone needed was his divinity. Or him. Bloody hell, maybe Miss Lopez had a point after all. 

"Right, Mr. Morningstar, we know you were at the loft with Detective Decker during the confrontation with Lt. Pierce. Detective Decker's statement has a rather large hole in it where she was knocked unconscious from the bullet impact and then making her way back to the loft from a couple blocks away. She doesn't place you at the scene afterwards, but while i don't believe she's outright lying I do think that she's covering for you."

"And why do you believe that?" Lucifer asked calmly, tilting his head slightly. 

"Because from the forensics report on Lt. Pierce's body, the knife was in his hand when it was driven into his body with enough force to punch straight through his ribs and directly into his heart with one stab, not to mention the assailant broke and completely twisted around his wrist before doing so. We have ample evidence of your physical strength, and from what I've gathered you would be easily able to do so." 

"Just because I'm able doesn't mean I did. And seeing as I'm a suspect rather than just a witness as I was led to believe, I want my lawyer," Lucifer stated, being careful to keep up his emotionless front. Detective Jackson sighed, running a hand through his short-cropped hair. 

"Fine. But can I ask one more question, not as a detective but just out of curiosity?" Lucifer nodded once, raising an eyebrow. "The forensics report shows that every one of the gunmen in that room was firing at something big in the centre of that room, right where Decker said you two were standing when she was knocked unconscious, and that most of the bullets hit home. How the hell did you and Detective Decker survive that?!"

A wry smile played around Lucifer's lips. "Wouldn't you like to know? Now if you don't mind, I'm going to call my lawyer and have a smoke." He pushed off the wall, heading to the door as Jackson grabbed his arm to halt him. 

"Hey wait, aren't you going to answer my question?" Lucifer stiffened, fixing the detective with an icy glare. 

"I agreed that you could ask a question, I never said i would answer it." He pulled free from the detective's grip, quashing the urge to spin on his heel dramatically as he knew it would make the coat flare out and expose his wings. He'd spent most of his remaining two hours after his coat arrived practicing the movements he could and couldn't do in front of the mirror. Once safely outside, he closed his eyes and sighed with relief. He'd already been shaken after spilling his troubles to Miss Lopez, and now he was going to have to use every last bit of his considerable skill to 'lie without lying' and avoid confessing to the murder of his former boss.  _Fuck me._

*** 

Several hours later, Lucifer was finally allowed to leave the interrogation room. He'd been insulted, yelled at, offered deals for cooperation, buttered up, had the crime scene photos shoved under his nose and asked the same few questions a hundred different ways. He was at his wit's end, on the verge of a breakdown and really not in the mood to walk all the way home, so he did the only thing that seemed logical at the time: snuck a couple of shock blankets out of a storage closet and curled up in the corner of Ella's currently unoccupied lab. He finally let himself cry, trying his best to stay quiet, but it quickly became apparent that that wasn't going to be enough. He scratched at the skin on his forearms, the repetitive action soothing him and the pain keeping him grounded, stopping him from spiralling into just how much he hated himself and how stupid ridiculing and getting offended by media portrayals of the Devil was because he really was every bit as much of a monster as everyone thought. 

That train of thought prompted his gaze to 'subconsciously' settle on the incredibly sharp surgical blade Ella used to cut up samples. It wasn't a celestial weapon, but he was sure as hell feeling vulnerable right now and it couldn't hurt to try. He was delighted at the sharp pain, watching with fascination as the blood welled up in the shallow cut and spilled over to drip down his forearm. It was much more effective than scratching, that was for sure. One shallow cut became many more, getting progressively deeper. There was a very obvious bloodstain on his white shirt, but the charcoal coat hid it well, so he didn't bother to roll the sleeve up further. He was intensely absorbed in what he was doing, completely failing to notice the blood dripping onto his trousers and the blankets still wrapped around him, much less Ella coming back from a crime scene. 

She dropped her bag in shock, running over to her friend. She couldn't see what he was doing from his position facing the cupboard, but the crying alone was enough to alarm her. She grabbed his shoulder to turn him to face her, a hundred different emotions swirling through her brain when she saw the mess of his arm and the blade that fell from his limp hand as he looked at her with terrifyingly glazed eyes. 

"Aw, shit shit shit shit, Luce what have you done?!" She panicked, scrambling to grab disinfectant and a bandage, kicking the blade out of his reach to put in the sharps box later. Right now, getting his many (probably over a hundred) cuts cleaned and under pressure was her priority. Lucifer whimpered as she gently held his arm still, talking to him in a soft voice to help him relax. He nuzzled his head into her neck as she started to apply the antiseptic cream, tensing when she told him some of the cuts would need stitches. He didn't protest, just gulping down the contents of his flask and keeping his gaze fixed on the way the bright light played with the bottle of blue microscope slide dye as the needle slid through his flesh, closing up the worst of the gouges he'd made. The adrenaline and endorphins wearing off made him sleepy, and he was dozing with his head on Ella's shoulder when she finished wrapping the bandage around his forearm. 

"All done," she whispered, petting his hair. Lucifer grumbled and batted half-heartedly at her hand, but leaned into the caress.

"M'sorry," he murmured, blinking back more tears. 

"Don't do that," she told him sternly. "Don't you dare blame yourself. This isn't your fault, Lucifer." He hummed noncommitally, wrapping his good arm around her to return her hug. "I should have paid more attention to you, made sure you were OK. We all should have. You just went through something really traumatic, we should have asked why you were acting out rather than just punishing you." 

"M'okay now..." Lucifer snuggled closer to Ella, needing the comfort, security and uncomplicated love of his friend's embrace. He hadn't realised how badly he'd been craving touch until now. 

"No, you're really not. You're staying at my place tonight so I can keep an eye on you, then in the morning I'm gonna drive you straight to your therapist," she told him, leaving no room for arguments. 

"Can I sleep in your bed? Not for anything sexual, I just..." he trailed off, focusing on tracing the stitching of her shirt. 

"Just need to be close to someone?" Ella supplied, Lucifer nodding and tucking his face back into her neck. "'Course you can." Ella paused, mischief twinkling in her eyes as she said, "all I ask in return is that you show me your wings." 

Lucifer startled violently, plainly confused and scared. In lieu of a response, Ella ran her hand down the back of his coat, which was sticking out from his back at a 60 degree angle with more white feathers visible at the lower corners of the coat. 

"Oh." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for all the comments and kudos, it makes my day every time i see a new comment! i think i might do one more chapter after this, just to wrap things up.

Lucifer kept asking over and over if she was OK, reminding her that the vast majority of humans either went mad or at least had a mental breakdown when exposed to divinity, but honestly Ella had never felt better. Her faith had been confirmed to be real (at least in part, but she could ask Lucifer for the details later), she was friends with an actual Son of God, the archangel Lucifer, and she was positively brimming with scientific curiosity.

“Right, I’ll answer any scientific or Bible-related questions you have to the best of my ability, but I reserve the right to ignore anything related to my family, m’kay?” Lucifer said, accepting her hand to help him up. His wings flapped once, boosting him to his feet effortlessly. Ella tried to hide her envious look, fussing around him to try and neaten up his dishevelled appearance to something resembling his usual perfection. She was infinitely gentle as she wiped away his ruined eyeliner, tilting his head this way and that to make sure she’d got as much of it as possible. She booped his nose playfully when she was finished and stored away her work for tomorrow before taking his uninjured hand and leading him out, pausing to lock up the lab for the day but never once letting go of his hand until they reached her car.

“OK, uh, how do you want to do this? Like, what’s gonna be the most comfortable for you?” She asked, gesturing to the car. Lucifer pulled open the back door, lying across the rear seats on his belly with his legs curled up, wings pulled up higher over his shoulders and bent slightly to fit in the limited space.

“Just try not to crash or I’ll go straight through the windscreen,” he said drily, pillowing his head on his folded arms. Ella rolled her eyes at him as she climbed into the driver’s seat, reaching back to stroke along the muscular upper edge of a wing.

Between the soothing vibrations of the car, Ella’s gentle petting in between shifting gears and the exhaustion from his earlier breakdown, Lucifer ended up falling asleep. Ella stood in front of the opened back door of the car, hands on her hips and torn with indecision. She couldn’t carry him, but the poor guy clearly needed the rest… In the end, Lucifer made the decision for her.

“Home?” He murmured, reaching blindly for her. Ella took his outstretched hand, rubbing his knuckles.

“Yeah, we’re home Luce. You can go straight back to sleep once we’re inside, but you gotta get out the car first, yeah?” She coaxed, trying not to laugh as he crawled out of the cramped back seat, his usual grace nowhere to be seen as he nearly fell on his face. “That’s it, you’re okay, I gotcha,” she cooed, supporting Lucifer with an arm around his waist as he shuffled unsteadily to the front door. She directed him to the bedroom, watching him burrow into the blankets and returning a few minutes later with two mugs of hot chocolate. He beamed up at her with a beautifully genuine smile he really needed to use more often, taking the warm mug from her and snuggling into her side.

“So, any questions?” He asked, looking up at her over the lip of his mug.

“Yeah, but they can wait until morning. How are you, though? Not feeling like you want to hurt yourself anymore?” Lucifer paused, taking a sip to give himself some time to think.

“I… No, but I wasn’t really thinking that I wanted to hurt myself then, either. I just wanted it to stop,” he nearly whimpered.

“Wanted what to stop?” Ella asked, setting her mug down so she could hug him. Lucifer leaned into the contact gratefully, his free hand fisting her shirt.

“Everything. But mostly this,” he pushed his long coat off, revealing his wings. Ella had expected otherworldly beauty, perfection her human mind couldn’t even imagine, but the angry raised welts and patches of missing feathers looked all too real and all too painful.

“Shit,” she breathed, forcibly stopping herself from reaching out to touch them, “what happened?”

“You haven’t already worked it out?” He chuckled wryly, “this is how I saved Detective Decker.” It took Ella a second to realise what he’d meant, but once she did her heart nearly stopped with the implications. Lucifer couldn’t put his wings away because they were still healing from being shot to pieces. There had been over a hundred and fifty bullet casings found at the scene with no bullets to match, and now she knew that that was because the bullets had been in Lucifer’s wings. The bulbous welts that looked like an allergic reaction to bee stings were bullet holes, still sluggishly healing even after nearly a week.

“Shit,” she repeated, before another thought struck her. “Lucifer, did you get the bullets out?” He shrugged awkwardly, not meeting her eyes.

“Most of them.” Ella gaped at him for a moment. _He didn’t get all the fucking bullets out._ She realised that that must be why the welts were concentrated on the back side of his wings – these were the ones he couldn’t reach on his own, trying to heal with the bullets still inside. Yeouch.

“You need to take them out or they’ll never heal properly,” she told him, speaking with the same patience she would use with a small child. “Do you trust me to do it for you, or is there someone else I should call?” She asked, petting his hair the way she knew he liked.

“You. Linda is always telling me she’s not that kind of doctor, and I don’t have anyone else. Not anymore,” he mumbled into her neck, hugging her tighter. Ella’s heart was breaking for him a little more every time he opened his mouth, it seemed. She could think of a few people who deserved what Lucifer had been through – real monsters who were nothing but human – but Lucifer was none of those, not by a long shot and he never would be, because how could anyone who judged how well his day went by how many people he was able to please ever be anything less than wonderful? And his own family, who were supposed to love him unconditionally, had given him those scars that would never fully heal, not if he lived for another 13 billion years. She wasn’t crying, honest.

“OK. I’ll get ‘em out for you, just stay here and I’ll be back in a sec,” she told him, giving him a reassuring squeeze before she let go and found the necessary supplies in the bathroom, filling a small metal bowl with warm water and squeezing in some hand sanitiser because _whatever worked,_ grabbing a washcloth, tweezers and after some deliberation a razor. Finally, she snapped on her usual nitrile gloves, giving herself a pep-talk as she prepared to basically operate on her friend. Lucifer was already lying on his belly when she re-entered the bedroom, wings spread to their full span.

“Aw, thanks bud, I didn’t even have to ask!” she praised, giving him another head scratch and _when the fuck did she start treating Lucifer like a dog…_ He shrugged, his feathers rustling with the movement and Ella set her instruments down on the bedside table, staying standing as there was just wasn’t anywhere she could sit without crushing feathers. She cleaned off and gently probed one of the welts, wincing sympathetically as Lucifer flinched. She instructed him to take a deep breath and used the razor blade to cut open the partially-healed wound, forcing herself not to react, to just focus on what she needed to do as Lucifer cried out, white-knuckling his pillow. The bullet - thankfully intact - was easy to see and she pried it out with the tweezers, eliciting another yelp. She’d repeated this process on about three wounds when she thought to disinfect again, reaching for the washcloth and going back to her starting place only to realise the wound _wasn’t there anymore_.

“Wha…” Ella breathed, tracing the unbroken skin that not 10 minutes ago had been an inflamed hole in his flesh. Lucifer chuckled, shifting to look back at her over his shoulder.

“Healing already, I take it?”

“Y-yeah, how…?”

“Celestial, remember? We heal much faster than humans.” When Ella didn’t reply other than a shaky inhale and didn’t resume taking out bullets, Lucifer twisted around to see her better, his brow creased in worry. “Hang on, this isn’t that well-overdue divinity freak-out making an appearance, is it?”

Ella shook her head slowly. “No, it just kinda hit me all at once, you know? I was only thinking about the positives earlier, but now that I’m really thinking about it it’s actually kind of scary,” she admitted as Lucifer’s frown deepened.

“You’re not… scared of me, are you?” He asked, achingly vulnerable and yet Ella could practically see his walls coming back up.

“No, Luce, of course I’m not scared of you! You can be pretty frickin’ terrifying when you wanna be, but I know you’d never hurt me,” she said, crouching down so they were eye-to-eye and cupping his stubbled jaw. “I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of everything we as humans don’t know, of the kind of insane power you guys can unleash without a second thought. Of how everything is gonna change now. But not you; never you.” Lucifer beamed at her again but it wasn’t just love and gratitude his eyes were shining with this time. Wrapping one arm around her and hugging her tight, he tried to get across what he was too choked up to say.

Ella understood. One didn’t love hugs as much as she did without learning to understand the different kinds. She didn’t speak, just held him.

“I’ll always be here for you, Luce. No matter what,” she promised, letting a few tears escape.

“I know.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella sticks up for her friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyyy i finally finished this be proud of me! im gonna struggle to finish my science homework before monday now but w/e its DONE!!

Lucifer’s true species, Ella surmised, was neither human nor angel, but octopus. She’d woken up in the middle of the night, wanting a glass of water, only to discover that her friend – who had been lying meekly beside her when they went to sleep – was curled up as close as he could get against her back, holding her captive with arms and legs wrapped tightly around her. She knew without having to try that she’d never be able to get him to move while he was asleep, but she couldn’t bring herself to wake him up. He didn’t seem to be in pain anymore (he’d actually confessed that having his wings groomed properly for the first time in years felt ‘orgasmic’, to use his words) but she couldn’t help but worry about him. Sighing in defeat, Ella gave in to the inevitable and snuggled up to Lucifer, deciding to make the most of her current situation and enjoy this clingy side of him while she could.

By around 7am the next morning Lucifer had shifted just enough that Ella could wiggle free, so she immediately bolted to the bathroom, then proceeded to make breakfast. Lucifer came padding out of the bedroom shortly after she turned the coffee machine on, rubbing at his eyes with his fists like a small child and looking weirdly adorable with his untamed curls flattened on one side.

“Hey, are you feeling better?” She asked, guiding him over to the breakfast bar.

“Mmhm. My wings are fully healed now, thanks to you Miss Lopez.”

“That’s good, but actually not what I was referring to,” she said, nudging him playfully with her elbow and not being quite sure what to do when he nearly fell off the stool trying to lean into the brief contact. Hug-averse Lucifer she knew how to deal with. Touch-starved, uber-snuggly Lucifer? Less so.

He thought for a moment, a small crease appearing between his brows. “Good.” He said simply, pillowing his head on his arms to watch her potter around the kitchen.

“Good?”

“Good.” He repeated, his eyes drifting closed.

“Gonna need a little bit more than that, buddy,” Ella told him, placing a plate piled high with pancakes, bacon and eggs and buttered toast in front of him and fighting not to collapse into hysterics as his eyes snapped open and he practically _inhaled_ the entire thing in about 2 minutes flat. Finished, he met her gaze sheepishly.

“That was for both of us to share…” Ella said mostly to herself, wide eyes staring at Lucifer with a curious mix of awe and horror. If she’d attempted to eat even a quarter of that in such a short space of time, she’d be sick.

“Healing requires a lot of energy, and the easiest way to replenish that is through excessive caloric intake,” he explained, not-so-subtly eyeing the fridge. Holy. Motherfucking. Shit.

“Knock yourself out,” she said faintly, gesturing to her kitchen and knowing full well that she was going to have to replace pretty much everything after he left.

Turns out, she only had to replace everything that wasn’t vegetables, because Lucifer is a freakin’ child sometimes… Often. At least he let her use his credit card to pay for it.

***

After a few days of staying at Ella’s for some TLC and several sessions with Linda, Lucifer was back at the precinct. Since he’d gone back to using his own car to drive himself to therapy, Ella wasn’t actually aware of this until he bolted into her lab, pulled her into a tight hug and buried his face in her shoulder, whimpering quietly with every exhale and obviously on the verge of tears.

“Luce, what happened? Are you OK?” She asked, swiftly turning down her music and peeling off her gloves so she could run her hands through his hair and hug him back. With anyone else, he would have heard ‘what did you do?’ but Ella had proved over and over again that she genuinely cared about him; she wanted to know what was wrong so she could figure out how to fix it, or at least make him feel better.

“Dan yelled at me,” he sniffled, releasing her from the hug to furiously wipe at his eyes with shaking hands. That alone was enough to set off alarm bells in Ella’s head; after it had come up in a session with Linda, Lucifer had admitted that he didn’t just despise it when people raised their voices at him, but that it also brought back a whole host of painful memories, making it almost as much of a trigger as his old name. Shit.

“I’m so sorry Lucifer, I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind later, and probably a black eye too. Are you alright to tell me more, or do you just wanna hide out here for a bit?” For once, Lucifer didn’t care about the wellbeing of his designer suit as he sank down to the floor, leaning back against the cupboards and closing his eyes as he nodded firmly.

***

_Lucifer cautiously made his way over to Detective Espinosa’s desk, checking over and over again that he still had what he needed in his pocket. He knew the detective had been blaming him for Charlotte’s death, but he hoped that maybe he could give him the peace of mind that no-one else could._

_“Daniel, just the man I was hoping to see! Mind if I interrupt?” He asked, plastering on a fake smile he knew didn’t reach his eyes, but he doubted Dan would care; he’d been doing the same ever since Charlotte’s funeral._

_“What do you want?” Dan growled, only looking up from his paperwork to glare at the Devil. Lucifer held his hands up in surrender but stood his ground._

_“I know you’ve been hurting ever since Charlotte died – “_

_“She didn’t die, she was **killed**. By a man you knew was a criminal!” _

_“I-I know, and you’re right, I should have said something. But I just wanted you to know that she got what she deserved, in the end. All of her hard work trying to be a better person paid off.”_

_“What, you mean she went to Heaven?” Dan mocked, but Lucifer unfortunately missed the sarcasm._

_“Yes! I found this at the scene,” he pulled the dark grey feather out of his interior coat pocket. “It’s one of Amenadiel’s. He took her with him when he went back to the Silver City.”_

_To Lucifer’s shock, Daniel stood up abruptly, snatched the feather out of his hand and stomped on it._

_“How dare you,” Dan hissed, glaring at Lucifer like he wanted to eviscerate him, “HOW FUCKING DARE YOU USE A TRAGEDY LIKE CHARLOTTE’S DEATH TO PROMOTE YOUR STUPID SHTICK!” In that moment, Lucifer wasn’t the fearless, snarky, wolf-among-sheep Lucifer anymore, but young, naïve, heart-on-his-sleeve Samael once again, and Samael was a damned **coward,** cringing away from the verbal onslaught. _

_“I-I’m sorry, Daniel, I was just trying to – “_

_“TRYING TO MAKE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF AGAIN, LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO! YOU’RE EVERY BIT AS MUCH OF A MONSTER AS THE MAN WHO KILLED HER!”_

_Samael was usually pretty good at begging for forgiveness, but even he didn’t know how to respond to that, and the part of him that was Lucifer was too busy trying to weather the flashbacks without having a panic attack to be of any real help, so he did the only thing he could think of – turned tail and bolted._

***

By the time Lucifer had finished his recount of what had just happened, Ella was hugging him like he was the piece of driftwood keeping her from drowning in her tears and cussing a blue streak in Spanish.

“I’m going to kill that _pedazo de mierda!_ ” She snarled, immediately restraining her rage when she noticed how Lucifer flinched at her tone of voice. Keeping her hand on his shoulder, she rummaged through a drawer for her stash of sweets that she kept for little kids who came into the precinct. Pressing a block of dark chocolate into Luce’s hands, she reassured him that she was going to be right back.

“Hey Dan, I was gonna grab some coffee and a snack from that café just down the street, you wanna come with?” She asked innocently, knowing he wouldn’t be able to resist any excuse to have a break from the never-ending pile of paperwork. Sure enough, he offered only token protest and eagerly followed her out of the precinct. As soon as they were out of sight of all the cops, her attitude did a complete 180° and she shoved him into an alleyway, the seasoned detective too shocked to react as she pinned him against the brick wall with her forearm pressing into his throat. What? She grew up with 5 brothers, she knew how to hold her own.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Espinosa?!” She snarled, putting more pressure against his windpipe. She was so not in the mood to hear an excuse. “Why the hell would you say that shit to him? He was trying to be nice, after you’ve been a dick to him for weeks! He found something that comforted him – because newsflash, you weren’t the only one who cared about Charlotte – and he was trying to share it with you in the hope that it might help you too, and you managed to undo weeks of hard work Linda and I have been doing with him, all because you can’t accept that some people handle distressing events differently!” Seeing red, Ella brought her knee up hard, feeling nothing but satisfaction as Dan’s legs buckled and he curled up on the ground in the foetal position, sobbing and gasping for breath. Ella yanked him up by his hair, the righteous fury thrumming through her veins easily doubling her strength, hissing a dark promise into his ear.

“If you ever hurt Lucifer like that again you _bastardo_ , I swear I will make you wish you were dead.”

***

When Ella strolled nonchalantly back into her lab a few minutes later, dusting off her hands, Lucifer knew better than to ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pedazo de mierda - piece of shit  
> i think bastardo should be obvious lol
> 
> ***
> 
> for every comment i'll spend 15mins on my poor neglected homework, help my adhd ass out here folks


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